My couples therapy method is heavily influenced by Doctor John Gottman. It’s not so much the problem, but how you deal with the problem that’s important. The four horsemen of relationship failure are, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Criticism, and Contempt. Reducing them in your relationship is absolutely essential in building a foundation of gratitude, love, passion and mutual respect.
Professor John Gottman originally studied at our very own University of Washington. Through a series of experiments at his famous Love Lab, he was able to identify crucial factors in successful relationships. By carefully measuring the appearance of certain behaviors in problem solving situations, Gottman could accurately predict the success or failure of a relationship with 90% accuracy. This groundbreaking figure has led him to be one of the most renown couples therapist and teacher in the world of relationship psychology.
Emotionally-Focused Therapy & Attachment Theory
I borrow from the ideas and therapeutic theory of Dr. Sue Johnson. She is a incredible attachment-based therapist and her Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) helps individuals disarm their secondary emotions, like anger, and access softer emotions like sadness and hurt so that conversations can shift from defensive to connective. EFT artfully maps toxic communication cycles in a way that allows couples to gain a deeper understanding of what’s happening under the surface. I highly recommend picking up her book Love Sense or Hold Me Tight.